Lucioles

最近開始迷上Lady Gaga，發現聽她的歌會停不下來!!!以前我對她的印象只有「搞怪」兩字，但是真正接觸之後，雖然「搞怪」二字沒變，但卻對她多了一分崇拜。崇拜什麼呢？崇拜的是Lady Gaga不畏眾人評論，決定走自己的路線這一點。那是要十分有自信才有辦法做到的。

人最容易沒有自信的會是哪一點呢？我覺得是外貌。那天偶然看見小孩以前用手機為我拍的照片，我嚇了一跳：以前長頭髮的我還滿好看的阿！為什麼以前我一直覺得自己很醜？原因是什麼，其實很虛無縹緲，但其實也很具體。別人有意或無心的一句話，從小到大周遭異性的審美觀影響，要說起來實在是太多太多了。尤其自己又很容易因為別人的話受傷，都不知道自己到底是在脆弱什麼。

媽媽一直不懂為什麼我會沒自信，學業表現一向優異、交友雖非廣闊但也有知心好友、課外參與活動樣樣精彩、感情也非完全空白，還有什麼對自己不滿意的呢？一個小小的外表就有辦法否定這一切嗎？

以前的我覺得外表超級重要，重要到可以否定自己所有表現。但現在卻覺得這根本就是莫名其妙。一個人長得正或不正是由誰來定義的？身旁的異性嗎？大眾的眼光嗎？漂亮真的有一個客觀的標準存在嗎？

我很喜歡Lady Gaga在Born This Way裡的這一段話：

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I'm born this way

沒有人能夠定義妳的美麗，只有妳自己。這個想法很簡單，但是能懂得並且真正做到的卻少之又少。我們圍繞在一個充滿比較的世界，有時候甚至不必他人幫我們，我們自己就慣性地和他人做比較。但是為什麼要這樣呢？為什麼不能相信，每個人都是獨一無二，根本無從比較？

幾天前我看見了一句話，令我不得不推：外表壞了可以整形，但是腦子壞了卻怎麼整也整不了。

如果你因為外表而沒有自信，以現在的科技根本不成問題。只要有錢，想要變多漂亮都可以。韓國明星大家都這麼做，不會介意再多你一個。但是腦袋裡的東西、自身涵養還有氣質的培養，都是無法「整」出來的。為什麼不把這些當作是更重要的東西呢？

想通了這些，我就不再覺得自己「長得不正」是一件多麼糟糕的事情。以前的我長相沒有變，之所以那時覺得醜陋而現在覺得超正，是因為我的心境已經改變了。

那天有人跟我說我「沒有魅力」，我居然還急著解釋。這代表在我內心裡面還沒有足夠的自信。所以我決定，以後如果再有人質疑我的外貌，我就要像海賊女帝一樣抬起我的下巴用鼻孔看著他說：

「那是因為你這種人不懂我的魅力。」

給所有曾經或正在為外表煩惱認為會阻礙你的感情路的人：如果這個人是因為你長得正/帥而跟你交往，那你就要擔心了，因為永遠都會有比你更正/帥的人出現。只有那些因為「你是你」而喜歡上你的人，才是真正能夠完全接受、包容，並愛你的人。也只有這樣的人，才值得你的愛。

Born This Way /  Lady Gaga

作詞：Stefani Germanotta
作曲：Jeppe Laursen
監製：Lady Gaga、Jeppe Laursen、Fernando Garibay、DJ White Shadow

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'cause you were Born This Way, Baby

My mama told me when i was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
in the glass of her boudoir

There's nothing wrong with loving who you are
she said, cause he made you perfect, babe
So hold your head up girl and you'll go far
listen to me when I say

I'm beautiful in my way
'cause god makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

ooo there ain't no other way
baby I was born this way
baby I was born this way
ooo there ain't no other way
baby I was born
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be!

Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi Amore Vole Fe Yah (love needs faith)

I'm beautiful in my way
'cause god makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

ooo there ain't no other way
baby I was born this way
baby I was born this way
ooo there ain't no other way
baby I was born
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby you were born this way

No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to be brave

I'm beautiful in my way
'cause god makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

ooo there ain't no other way
baby I was born this way
baby I was born this way
ooo there ain't no other way
baby I was born
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!

I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!